What Ifs
by Gasphard Ulliel'd
Summary: After the stressful lifechanging experience has gone past him, Robin starts living his life normally again as a grown-up titan. He has Starfire as a girlfriend because of a mistake, but everything else goes pretty normal. He even has friends outside his teammates. But it seems that Red-X cannot let the leader of the Teen Titans live peacefully. M/M. No explicit contents, for now.


_Disclaimer: I know some people will be pissed off at me for still doing this, but I have to state that Teen Titans belongs to the rightful owner(s). Matt, however, still belongs to me._

_If you've read my previous Teen Titans stories, then I have to make it clear that this Matthew has nothing to do with that other Matt. They're two different people, and I was just lazy to look for another name. :p_

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These past few months had been… crazy for Robin, to say at the least. It was even a little bit of an understatement actually—his whole life had been turned upside down and his purpose of being a hero for Jump City had been questioned all over again, but things got better. He'd started getting used to knowing that the whole city had discovered his face and identity. He tried to not think about it again as things had gone pretty normal lately, although in a different fashion, but he couldn't seem to forget what happened on that damned day.

It all happened in less than two months ago. He was saving the city from the crime, leading the titans as usual, and he didn't know how but as he fought with the criminals in the middle of the city center, he lost his focus a little and suddenly, one of his opponents had seized that moment to grab him from behind and unmask him in front of the crowd who was watching their fight. That moment was frozen in his head forever—those curious eyes, the surprised faces of those who recognized him as Bruce Wayne's adopted child. The shocked expressions from those who knew that he was Richard Grayson—the guy who they probably knew from their daily lives. Robin could never forget that.

He'd been stressed due to a lot of pressures coming from the public since that day, and he also had to be extra careful when he walked around the town without his mask. His enemies could strike at anytime. He could never walk out the T-tower without feeling cautious. He always pulled his hood up to conceal his face, even when he was out just to buy milk at the closest convenience store. He always had a knife hidden in his pocket, ready to fight. He'd been paranoid and caught insomnia again. Until Bruce heard about it.

Bruce normally wouldn't pry into his business, knowing that Robin was capable of handling things by himself. But things got out of control, according to Bruce, so he had to interfere with the problem. He solved it for Robin, in short, as he didn't think staying silent while his son was under a lot of stress was something acceptable. He made a conference press stating that Richard was indeed the leader of the Teen Titans, letting not only the whole city but also the whole world know that Dick was the person behind Robin's mask. Not that it mattered a lot, though—all the other members of his team worked well without masks anyway, so Robin knew he shouldn't feel afraid. But it was different—everything was different although it was merely because of a piece of an eye mask.

It took Robin more than a month to get used to all of the attention from the public. People were gossiping as if he were some sort of celebrity, and his bare face was everywhere on the newspapers and magazines. People noticed him when he was walking down the street and it wasn't a rare occurrence that girls screamed his name and hugged him before asking for taking a picture together. Robin didn't know how Bruce could survive all that—it was tiring.

Apart from that he also had to adapt to his new heroic situation. The Teen Titans were growing up, Bruce had said. They were no longer underage kids fighting crimes anymore—they were all around 18, so it was time to grow up and leave all of their childish attire behind. Robin himself got a new suit—a simple black suit from neck to toe made of something really light to support his moves, without a mask. He found it hard to get used to it, though, so he wore his eye mask again, just for the sake of feeling his old self in him again, although without his ridiculous traffic light colored costume. Sometimes Robin was still surprised when catching his reflection somewhere, noticing that he was no longer in the bright colored suit, and for some time he had to tell himself that it was him. It was still Robin, the same hero, although this version of Robin had grown up.

The normality in his life had been restored again as he got used to his new costume and people reacting excessively whenever he was in public places, although sometimes he still questioned the purpose of his life and fighting crimes. Would he do this forever, being a hero? What would he expect from it now, that he was a grown-up? That kind of questions lingered in his head, disturbing him every night and not letting him rest. That kind of night led to what happened that one night, when he couldn't sleep and decided to go to the kitchen for some drink, where he met Starfire.

Starfire, he didn't know how long they'd known each other—he'd lost count. Starfire had grown up a lot now—she was no longer a childish titan with a weird speaking pattern. She was now a beautiful girl that resembled a lot of humans around him, despite her alien features. Now that she dressed more like human, she looked even more attractive. So when she suddenly kissed him after the light conversation, he kissed her back without another consideration, and that thing happened soon afterwards, in his room. It was very quick, and the next morning Robin woke up next to the naked Starfire, wondering what he was thinking when he was doing it with the girl.

Starfire was naïve, and Robin didn't want to hurt her. It was partially his fault anyway—he knew Starfire had developed some kind of crush on him for quite a long time, and he shouldn't have used that for his temporary pleasure. But what could he say; he was a boy—he couldn't control his hormones. Yet for that, he had to endure the consequence.

Being with Starfire wasn't bad, although sometimes it was tiring. She was overly caring and all; the kind of girlfriend that boys would love to have, but it didn't apply to Robin. He couldn't seem to bring himself to like her, no matter how hard he tried to see the good in her. She was the epitome of a perfect girlfriend, overall, but Robin couldn't feel anything else to her but some superficial crush. Or perhaps it wasn't even crush—it was a thin layer of feelings that lied between friendship and lust. Robin felt guilty sometimes, but he couldn't just break up with her. First, he couldn't break her heart as she was his friend and teammate. Second, the other titans seemed to approve their relationship—except Raven, of course, as her empathy allowed her to know that sooner or later Robin would break Starfire's heart and she'd prefer Robin end it soon before Starfire was too deeply engaged in the relationship. Third, the public loved it. It was some kind of publicity, and Robin knew that breaking up with Starfire would cause problems since the public liked them that way. The City's Sweethearts, they would say.

But a forced relationship was never something comfortable, and that occurred to Robin. He always looked for a way to escape Starfire, and mostly he would use the "I need time for myself alone" excuse to go to the nearest coffee shop to get away from her for a while. Just like what he was doing now.

Robin pushed down his hood once he came into the coffee shop. The smell of coffee struck his nose and it gave him inexplicable warmth and a feeling of familiarity. The people around there were old people if not some nerds reading their books, most of them were fortunately nonchalant to his presence. No one showed any adoration to him or asked for his signature, to his relief. He immediately went straight to the spot he usually settled on—it was on the chair nearby the coffee machine, where he'd be able to talk with the barista.

It was always the same barista. His name was Matthew, or Matt in short. Robin had never known his last name and he didn't care. Matt was one of the few friends outside the titans that Robin had ever made, and he was grateful for that.

"Hey," Matt smirked when he saw Robin sit on his usual seat. Robin smiled back at him and replied to his greeting casually. They then didn't talk as Matt did his job, serving the coffee to other people first before making Robin's. He didn't have to ask what Robin wanted as he already knew.

While Matt was doing his job, Robin stealthily stole glances at him while pretending to read the newspaper. Even as a guy Robin would say that the pale-skinned guy was handsome—those who said he wasn't were either blind or out of their sane mind. Matt had ruffled dark hair that looked slightly blond under the dim yellow lights of the coffee shop, and a pair of dark blue eyes that rested under his creased eyebrows as he was focusing on his job. His bones were finely structured and shaped; the nose was long but not out of proportion, his cheekbones were high and a little prominent, and his jaw was perfect, ending at a pointy chin. And then there were also those heavenly lips, beautifully shaped—they were simply enticing people to kiss them. Robin wondered how many boys had gone gay for this person in front of him.

"The usual?" Matt suddenly asked him, distracting Robin from his reverie. That black haired guy swore he could feel heat crept up his face and blood pooling on his cheeks.

"Yeah," he answered fast. He'd successfully managed to act casually, fortunately.

Matt served his coffee with a smiley on top of it—it was quite often that Matt made that coffee art on top of his cappuccino, as if knowing that Robin wasn't feeling well most of the time. He smirked at that, saying nothing. But he knew Matt did it not because he knew how Robin felt—he believed he'd masked his stress well. It was purely coincidental.

"So," Matt said after making his own coffee, sitting on the other side of the table, right across Robin. Even after he sat down, their eyes weren't at the same level—Robin was aware that he was vertically challenged, and Matt had the average height of boys their age. "How are things going?"

Robin raised his eyebrows after sipping his coffee. "Not bad," he said. "It's pretty normal. You know, with the job and all."

He chuckled. "Yeah," he nodded. "Being a hero and all. Are you having a day off today, or is it just very peaceful in the city?"

Robin snorted playfully. "There's no day off for the titans," he said, almost ruefully. He was tired too sometimes, and a good day off would be good. "It's not like we can declare that we're taking a day off then let the criminals destroy the town."

"Right," Matt grinned, looking amused.

"How are you?" Robin asked back, albeit knowing the answer would be the same. Matt was always fine—he spent his entire life in the coffee shop anyway.

"Me?" he shrugged. "Good. Nothing eventful has happened, monotonous. Unlike you, I have no exciting life that can go up and down." His eyes glinted with mischief. He liked teasing Robin about being a superhero, but Robin knew it meant nothing but a sign of their closeness.

"Shut it," Robin jokingly murmured. "If being beaten down and thrown into a dumpster makes you think that I have an exciting life, then feel free to switch places with me."

Matt laughed at him, but Robin had no hard feelings. They constantly laughed at each other, and Robin laughed at Matt more often anyway—Matt's stories about his neighbors were always funny, and Robin couldn't help but to laugh at Matt's misfortune. "Tell me more about being thrown into the dumpster," he requested.

"Nah," Robin refused. "It's not something you can't guess. I know you ask that just because you want to laugh at my face."

"Am I that obvious?"

"Yeah."

"Guess it's time to polish my querying skill," he sighed, running a hand through his thick hair. Robin unintentionally placed close attention at that, and realized that the volume of the hair was something girls would kill for. Robin didn't know what had got into him, but he imagined having his own hand raking that hair as they—

Robin blinked. His head had gone wild again. He quickly tried to regain his composure and act normal again. He took a swig of his coffee again. "Ha, sure, please do. Come back to me when you're an expert," he mocked. "Never gonna happen."

"That's rude," Matt's grin grew wider, adorning that beautiful face.

"That's—"Robin's sentence was cut off the vibrating device inside the pocket of his jeans. The alarm was ringing again. Sighing, Robin gulped his coffee that instantly burnt his throat and told Matt, "Got a call."

Matt nodded understandingly. "Just go," he said as Robin was about to reach for his wallet. "My treat." The smirk spread across his face again and Robin murmured a thanks to him before scurrying back to the T-tower.

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_Thanks for reading this, and review would be greatly appreciated. I'd love to hear from you, even if you hate this story :')_

_Also, I have a question; this story is probably rated T and all, but since it's not fixed, I might include slash in this story in the future. But it depends on the readers. Do you want any mature content in this story, or should I leave it T-rated with no explicit content?_


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